


Mac and Dennis Are a Couple

by overratedlittletwink



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Behavior, Conflict Resolution, Happy Ending, Internal Conflict, M/M, Multi, Pining, Post-Canon, Repression, Resolution, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Tension, Scheming, The gang is absolutely SICK of Mac and Dennis repressing their feelings, emotional tension, just completely fed up, so they decide to do something about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:07:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25855618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overratedlittletwink/pseuds/overratedlittletwink
Summary: Mac and Dennis are paired as a couple in a scheme to infiltrate a yacht club and win $75,000. Little do they know that the rest of the Gang isn't only in it for the money.
Relationships: Mac McDonald & Dennis Reynolds, Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds
Comments: 19
Kudos: 41





	1. Simmer Down

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there everybody! I'm very excited about this one, I had a lot of fun brainstorming the plot. Title from Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys (a very macden song!) Please leave a comment letting me know what you think!! :D
> 
> (Also. I’m still a lil new to fan fiction so idk if there’s an established method of doing this, but when I do this — It’s a narrator switch and when I do this *** It’s a scene switch, same narrator. Sorry if this goes against the way things typically go I just don’t know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank proposes a plan to the rest of the Gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! This chapter is going to be shorter than the other ones I have planned- since I'm structuring this like an episode of Sunny, this one is the introductory scene. So for the rest of the work you can expect longer chapters :)

_"But, Charlie, here's what I don't get. Why would the rats be attracted to blood?"_

####  3:42 PM 

_"Look, Dee, I'm an expert on rat behavior, not rat psychology."_

####  On a Thursday 

_"If the rats like the blood, then that's what I know."_

####  Philadelphia, PA 

_"And I do know that, Dee, so I also know that we can't have a box for tampons full of blood in the restrooms!"_

Charlie, Mac, and Dennis are all sitting at the bar, while Dee stands behind it, pretending to clean glasses. They've only been in this conversation for about five minutes, but it's quickly getting heated.

"Well, Charlie, Charlie, if I can jump in here?" Dennis glances at his sister, who seems on the verge of smashing the glass in her hand against Charlie's head. "While we're not denying that you are the resident rat expert, I think we all would like to know how it is you're so sure that the rats like blood? Because if they don't care, then we don't have any reason not to install the boxes."

"Okay, Dennis, I think I know my rats, okay? I'm not just gonna-"

"Oh, actually, Charlie, Dennis brings up a good point," Mac interjects, pointing over his shoulder to the bathrooms behind him. "If we don't have the boxes, then where are all of those disgusting little blood pockets gonna go?" Dennis and Dee both _mmmhmm_ in assent. "They're either gonna be flushed down the toilet, which is more Charlie Work, or they're gonna be thrown on the floor or something, which would also be more Charlie Work, and also a hideous experience for the rest of us," Mac concludes with a grimace, sipping his beer.

"See, Mac's right, Charlie! Thank you, Mac," Dee quickly tacks on the _thank you_. She's still getting used to being friendly with him, an occurrence that started when Dennis left for North Dakota, but their politeness has become more natural with every passing day.

"Yes, very well-put." Dennis locks eyes with Mac over a drink of his beer. A flick of his eyebrows says that Dennis is impressed, and Mac's eyes soften a bit in a " _you think so?_ " expression. Dee and Charlie notice, and they purse their lips and scrunch their eyebrows at each other quizzically. 

"I-wh- yeah, okay, whatever, but I mean, I still stand by..." Charlie starts to trail off as Mac leans across the counter to grab a few cherries. "Oh, come on, man!"

"Yeah, that's gross, Mac, Dennis makes people's drinks with those!"

Charlie and Dee both look to Dennis, expecting him to jump in at what clearly is his turn to berate Mac for grabbing the cherries with his bare hands. Instead, they instantly feel like they're watching a TV show instead of their friends. The two are both slightly stunned as Mac pops his few cherries in his mouth, and Dennis does nothing but watch him, eyes tracking the trailing drop of sugary juice on Mac's chin. Dee glances sidelong at Charlie, who she finds is already looking at her, the tampon-related tension between the two of them gone. They widen their eyes at each other, amused and unsure what to do. Only a few seconds have passed but it's felt like much longer than that. _What the fuck?_ , Charlie mouths, and Dee's repressed laugh seems to snap Dennis out of his reverie.

"Jesus Christ, Dee, you sound like a goddamn bulldog!"

"A-wh- I do _not_ sound like a-"

The start of a new argument is interrupted by Frank bursting into the pub, huffing and puffing.

"Agch- you guys- I got- I gotta- I gotta REAL good- lead- on where we can get some money!" Frank's sentence is punctuated by wheezing breaths that almost sound painful.

"Well goddamnit, Frank, don't kill yourself before you get a chance to tell us, here," Dee says, handing him a glass of water. He guzzles it down as everyone shares confused and intrigued glances. 

"Aah, that's better," Frank gasps, letting out a gargly burp that draws grimaces from the rest of the gang. He doesn't seem to notice, and powers on. "Alright, so you all know how I got kicked out of that yachting club back in '03?"

"No, Frank, what?"

"How would we know that?"

"No, we don't."

"No, but I'm not surprised you were."

"Yeah, yeah, I got a little too wild at one of the parties I threw, and there was an incident with a stripper going overboard I was _definitely_ not involved in. But, it was grounds to give me the boot, and they had been tryin'-a get rid of me since they were jealous of how awesome my parties were." 

"Okay, well, knowing you, everything except the fact that you were kicked out is false, but continue," Dennis prompts, standing to grab another beer from behind the bar.

Frank waves his hands. "The point is, I still kept in touch with a few of the guys from there, and one of 'em just told me that they're having a "Best Boating Couple" contest!" Nobody seems to grasp this. "What does that even mean, Frank?" Dee scoffs, sharing a glance with her brother as he snags a bottle from under the counter. "It _means_ , Deandra, that if we can get a couple in that club and win that contest, we get $75,000, _cash_!" Suddenly, everyone is _quite_ interested. A chorus of "Why didn't you say that before?" rains down on Frank, but he simply pushes it aside with a nod of his head. "Yeah, yeah, see? So, really, our only problem is, how can we get Mac and Dennis to learn boating etiquette enough to win? Because we can cheat at all the contests no biggie, but these people can sniff out someone who doesn't belong a mile away."

"Oh, yeah, this has to be airtight," Dee affirms, leaning over the counter on her elbows. "We gotta get our hands on that cash."

"Yeah, and especially because Mac is a little, eeh, I don't wanna say white trash, because we already went through that with the whole pool thing, but let's say he... lacks finesse," reasons Charlie.

"That's a good way of putting it, Charlie. The whole way over here I was tryin-a' think of ways we could-"

Frank cuts himself off as he notices that Mac and Dennis haven’t moved an inch since he first started talking about boating etiquette. Dennis's hand is frozen over the bottle cap he had just placed on the counter, and Mac's beer is halfway to his mouth.

“Whaaat?” growls Frank, aggravated. “Don’t tell me you don’t got the guts to stick it to these high-society bozos.” 

\---

He’s not surprised. Shocked, sure, since it kind of came out of the blue. He means, he knows it wasn’t like there were any other believable options. Frank was out of the picture for anybody. And, sure, he and Dee were becoming better friends, but even if he _wanted_ to act straight, Mac has _standards_. He’s good friends with Charlie, and they could probably talk about each other enough, but Mac doesn’t think he’d be able to even get close to Charlie’s face without gagging at a combo stench of cat food and cheese, and he doesn’t think that that would make for a very convincing portrayal of a loving couple. So, yeah, he’s not surprised. That doesn’t mean he’s not excited, though. Or nervous. Or hopeful, he may as well admit. He’s always at least a little bit hopeful whenever he and Dennis have to pretend to be a couple. It dawns on him that the last time that they did this was when they were trying to get rid of Mandy, right before Dennis moved to North Dakota. That was what, three years ago? They usually pulled the “fake husbands” thing about once a year, but he had assumed that Dennis was sensitive about it not working on such a grand scale, and hadn’t pushed it. Mac stops that line of thinking before he can get too off-track, because he’s got something else on his mind.

One more emotion that isn’t as easy to pin down as the others. This one doesn’t usually accompany the others that come with the couples scheme. It’s… not bad, per se, but just kind of mysterious. Mysterious. Yeah, something… along those lines: mystery, a puzzle, something strange, fascinating, intriguing… Curious! He is curious. Curi- _oh_. The realization of exactly _why_ he is inquisitive nearly jolts him out of his trance. He must have been instinctually watching Dennis out of the corner of his eye for his reaction. Of course, Mac had subconsciously expected Dennis’s standard “ _sigh_ -what-else-you-got” schtick. That isn’t what’s happening this time, though. Mac feels his eyes widen to look at Dennis without shifting his gaze, trying to imprint on his mind the color in Dennis’s cheeks.

Dennis _never_ blushes.

Gets flushed, sure. When it’s hot, or he’s exerted himself, or when he’s worked himself up into a rage. But never, in Mac’s 20+ years of knowing him, has he seen Dennis blush. He lets it feed his hope. Maybe, _just maybe_ , this time will be different. Of course, he still wants to find out why Dennis is acting this way, and he sees his opportunity when Frank notices that he and Dennis haven’t said anything. 

\---

God _damnit_.

What the _hell_ was he supposed to do now? Dennis curses himself as he feels the heat in his face. He can go from flaccid to erect at a moment's notice, for God's sake! He should be able to stop a little bit of blood from flowing to his cheeks! But for whatever reason, he just can't stop his emotions from making themselves known. This is all Frank's fault, really. If he had given them more notice, called ahead, then maybe Dennis wouldn't be in this mess. Frank doesn't get to choose when Dennis shows his feelings! They're _his_ feelings, after all. He'll express them when he's goddamn good and ready to! _Well, actually, why_ are _you so bothered? Isn't this just another scheme, a grift you've run a hundred times?_ Dennis's inner voice is really going to get him in trouble one of these days. Of _course_ this one would be different, it's the first one they've done since he's got back from Hell (a.k.a. North Dakota). The last time they tried it, it failed spectacularly. What if it fails again? Of course Mac would want to try, right? I mean, the guy would do anything for Dennis, that much is obvious. But what if things really did change after the botched attempt with Mandy? And this time, they don't have just one person to trick, so they'd have to really sell it. That would be tougher than just trying to hoodwink Mandy, since there'd be so many eyes on them. And, even though Mac was technically gay last time, he was still pretty fresh out of the closet, and wasn't nearly as comfortable with his sexuality as he is now. So, in a way, this was the first _real_ fake-couple scheme they'd pull since Mac came out. That terrifies him more than anything else, to be honest. He feels his blush deepen, watching Mac in his periphery as he attends that specific train of thought. He knows from last time that Mac will be completely dedicated to the "loving partner" role, that he will definitely throw himself into it more than he ever has in the past, and it doesn't take a genius to know why.

That line of thinking plants a seed in his mind that quickly blossoms. He tries to suppress it, same as he's done for many years, but it vines up to the surface of his mind, thorns jabbing his conscience the whole way through. The rose blooms, and with it comes an incredible twist of fear, guilt, and longing. _You could "act" that well, too, you know,_ it whispers venomously. _You could sell it even better than he can. Put every son of a bitch at that stupid yacht club to shame. You know why you don't, though? Because you're_ afraid. _You think that if you let yourself fall into it, you won't be able to find your way out. You're afraid to acknowledge that this is what you want, what you_ need. _Afraid that you need Mac's love._ Dennis grits his teeth against his abrasive and exposing internal dialogue and starts to shut it down when he remembers something it said just a moment ago. He _could_ sell it! He _could_ make all those stupid yacht straighties reflect on their lifeless marriages with a single glance at Mac! 

Well... he hesitates. Emotional vulnerability _is_ pretty horrifying. As much as it terrifies the shit out of him, though, he doesn't think the fear can overpower the utter _exhaustion_ he feels every second he denies himself what he is. Mandy was sweet, but something about truly experiencing a heteronormative life finally flipped the switch inside of him. He doesn't think he's genuinely hit on a single girl since he returned from North Dakota. Passing remarks, sure, but only to keep the Gang off his back. He's pretty sure they already know, though, the same way that they all knew about Mac. It's just a matter of him being confident enough in himself to come out to them officially. And he knows, he just _knows_ , that as soon as he comes out, he won't be able to stop himself from falling for Mac, quickly and obviously. Well, he figures this is going to be both the best shot and the best excuse he'll come across for a long while. Best-case scenario... well, he doesn't want to get too wrapped up in that yet. And if it goes sideways, he can always blame Frank, which he knows would fly with Mac and not damage their relationship. _So... I guess that's settled for now, then,_ his inner voice says smugly. And with that, Dennis resolves to be the best goddamned husband this corner of Pennsylvania.

\---

" _Well_? You gonna help or not?" Frank had been staring between the two of them for a fair number of seconds, waiting for a response that seemed unforthcoming.

"What are you talking about, Frank? I was _born_ to fuck with high-society assholes. I'm fancy as hell! Know thine enemy, right?" Dennis forces himself to be casual after such a monumentous revelation, though it comes off as stilted. 

"Yeh-huh, it's not really you I'm worried about, though, Dennis. Mac didn't have the nice-ass life that me and your dead whore mother gave you, so he's gonna be a little tougher."

"Oh! Hey! I hung out with Dennis and Dee all through high school, so I think I know at least a little bit about the fancy life," Mac protests. "Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Actually, that is a pretty good point, Frank, you gotta admit," Charlie chimes in. "We both hung out with them, and I _still_ remember how you're supposed to eat with multiple forks:"

"Outside in!" Charlie and Mac say it at the same time, effectively proving Charlie's point.

"Okay, yeah, yeah, he's got a good base going," Frank mumbles. "It'll need some polishing up, though! Mac and Dennis both!" Murmurs of agreement all around. "That's settled, then. Let's start-"

"Okay, okay, o- wh- hang on, just like that?" Dee looks confused.

"What? Charlie just showed that Mac's got a good base going, and I know Dennis has got one already," Frank offered.

"No, yeah, I know that, it's just, you're not gonna..." Dee juts out her bottom lip. "make sure they're up to it?" The guys didn't know, but she was doing this intentionally. She wanted all the cards on the table so she would know how to play.

"Dee, you bitch! We know what we're doing!" Dennis shrieks.

"Oh, no, well, hang on, there, Dennis," Charlie draws an invisible line connecting Mac and Dennis with his finger. "Frank told me all about last time you pretended to be a couple. You two slipped up real bad and cost us the whole operation. Are we sure we can rely on you again?"

Frank leans back forward on his barstool, drinking in Mac and Dennis's bewildered expressions. "They're right, you know. You two aren't gonna go _soft_ on me, are ya?"

"No! Absolutely not!" Mac's voice sounds a little panicky. He shoots his arm out and grasps Dennis's hand tightly. "We're doing this mission!"

Dennis grips Mac's fingers in response, though his tone is more delicate. "We _are_ up to it, Frank. But, I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you'll _want_ us to be soft for this mission? Not in a 'I'm-blowing-my-cover' way, but more like a, well, a 'husbands' way," he finishes tentatively.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, you want us to sell it, don't you?"

Frank squints at them, flicking his eyes from Mac, to Dennis, to their fingers twisted together. He grunts. "Yeh, alright, fine. But no codenames this time! That was only a liability last time, and it's not one we can afford this time!"

They nod at each other, voicing their agreement.

"Sure, sure."

"Fine by me."

A beat passes.

"Alright!" Dee cracks a grin, breaking the silence. "Mac and Dennis are a couple!"

"Mac and Dennis are a couple!" Charlie and Frank echo her, cheers-ing their beers together. 

The couple shoots glances at each other as their friends cheer, hands still intertwined, eyes quietly melting for each other.

#### Mac and Dennis Are a Couple

#### 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! there you have it! I know i got a little off the rails with dennis's internal struggle, but i really wanted to capture his anxiety spiral, and i wanted to dedicate a good chunk of text to explaining his train of thought. I felt like if i didn't set it up enough, him agreeing right away would have felt out of character and would have taken you out of the story. (i also may or may not have been hardcore projecting with the whole "emotional vulnerability vs continuing to live a lie" struggle there.. that theme will definitely be popping up in the future :D)


	2. Pucker Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee, Charlie, and Frank conspire together. Mac and Dennis try to keep their cool. The Gang takes the first steps in infiltrating the yacht club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! We're picking up immediately where we left off (apologies for the late update- school kicked my ass this semester)

Dee grins to herself and cocks her head, hair falling over her shoulder as she sets down her beer. "Charlie, Frank, can I talk to you in the back office?" She shoots a meaningful glance at them.

Charlie squints one eye at her and drums his hands on the bar. "Sure, let's pop on back," he agrees. Frank only grunts as follows, the three of them trying not to hurry into the back room.

Once they make it inside, Dee shuts the door and pauses to listen to see if Mac or Dennis had followed them. Once she's sure that they're in the clear, she glides across to Frank and Charlie and lowers her voice conspiratorially. "Alright, so just to be clear, we all were trying to push them into that, correct?'

"Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure!" Charlie gestures between him and Frank. "I was kind of trying to signal to Frank that he needed to commit to the two of them being the couple, but like, also I was trying to... um, what's the word?"

"Provoke," Frank supplies helpfully.

"Yeah, yeah, provoke them into thinking it was their own idea. I found that works really well with getting Mac to do stuff."

"Yeah I did pick up on that, Charlie, I was going in the same direction," Frank says.

"Okay, that's good, you guys, because I was actually doing the same thing!" Dee lightly grabs Frank and Charlie's upper arms, trying to get them to understand. "Now, listen, because this is important. We need to be on the same page for this sort of stuff, because we need them to get together, alright? We need to work together for this-" Dee closes her eyes and she starts clipping her words, "-because I cannot... fucking... _stand_ them being apart for one more SECOND!" Her whisper, while still quiet, has become much more aggressive than is appropriate for a secret rendezvous. She rises from her hunched position, tilting her head back in an effort to keep her cool.

"Can't fucking STAND it, right, Dee!" Charlie's voice rises in pitch and he becomes more animated. "I'm so fucking sick of it!" Dee sends a fiery _see? thank you!_ expression his way. "I don't know _what_ happened with them, but they're too busy gazing into each other's souls to help around the bar anymore! It's obnoxious as hell!"

"Dennis thinks he's so smart, I bet that gay piece of shit doesn't think that we see all the heart eyes he's sending Mac," Frank says, and Charlie and Dee know he's right.

"Hah, yeah, that idiot, he's all," Dee's deepens her voice in a goofy, mediocre impression of her twin. "Oh, oh, I've been trying to- seduce my best friend out of the closet for twenty-five years, but him- him coming out made me realize- that I love 'im, and I'm doing a really shitty job of repressing my emotions, because I don't want to confront 'em and risk losing Mac!" Dee widens her eyes, seeking approval.

Frank and Charlie breathe laughs at her. "Ha, exactly! I mean, the delivery leaves a _lot_ to be desired, but I liked what you were going for, there!" Charlie starts to quietly laugh at a thought that pops into his head. "And- and Mac's all," Charlie makes his voice throaty in a Mac impersonation not much better than Dee's. "Oh, my dad's a piece of shit who never loved me, and now that I realized that and- an' stopped trying to win his affection, I'm- blasting all my love at Dennis, who's freaking the fuck out because I know he loves me but he doesn't know how to reciprocate intimacy!" 

This earns a hearty chuckle from Frank. "Ha! That sounded just like 'im!"

"Oh, what? Mine was way better than that! He sounded like Kermit the Frog!" Dee scoffs. "I bet he doesn't even know what 'reciprocate' means!"

"He used it in the right context, Deandra."

"Yeah, shut up, bird! Just because I _maybe_ have a _slight_ struggle with my eyesight in relation to reading-" Dee and Frank make sounds of skepticism. "-doesn't mean that I don't know smart words!"

Dee closes her eyes and holds her hands up in a _hang on_ motion. "Wh- okay, well, there's a _lot_ wrong with that, but we're getting off track!" She gathers them close and once more starts to murmur. "We all agree that we need to push them together as much as we can, right?

"Yes, yes, but I'm thinking nothing _too_ over-the-top," Charlie contributes. "Remember what I said just a minute ago, about having Mac think that things are his own idea is the best way to get him to do something? We can't be too obvious or they'll suspect us."

"Good thinkin', Charlie," Frank praises. "So, be sure that, before you have 'em do _anything_ , you have a rock-solid reason for why it would help with the plan. We can't be askin' 'em to start bangin' or anything extreme like that, we gotta start small."

"Okay, well, Frank, no one was going to ask them to start banging." Dee shakes her head at Frank condescendingly, but cuts herself off when she hears Charlie click his teeth. She sighs, "Come on, Charlie! Gross!" His high-pitched stutters of self-defense fall on deaf ears. "Whatever, _whatever_ ," she hisses. "We're all in agreement?"

The boys assent. 

"Alright!" Charlie claps his hands. "Let's go make love!" 

Dee and Frank just glare at him.

\---

Dee slamming the door behind her jars Dennis into noticing that he's still holding Mac's hand. It's... not bad, actually. Mac's hand is much warmer than his own, and it's kind of nice to have someone else heat him up, as opposed to jamming his hands in his pockets or running his hands under hot water. Mac's hands are soft, too. He probably had been using Dennis's special moisturizer that Dennis had specifically told him _not to use_ , as it was expensive and he wanted to make it stretch as far as possible. He can't find it in himself to be irritated, though, especially since he can feel the results for himself. He lightly runs his thumb along the back of Mac's index finger in the split-second that it takes for him to realize that _he's holding Mac's hand_. His eyes flutter and he clears his throat, not wanting to be the first to pull away. He meets Mac's eyes, who graciously takes the hint. His roommate untangles their fingers and grabs the beer he had set down to better make his point to Frank earlier. Dennis uses the pause to gulp at his own beer, breaking eye contact. He can still feel Mac's eyes on him, though, and his stomach flips when he hears Mac speak, though he's not sure if it's from nervousness or excitement.

"So..." Mac sucks his teeth. "You wanna tell me what that was all about?" 

"Hmm? I don't- I don't know what you're- talking about," Dennis trails off, fidgeting with his bottle cap.

Mac lets out a single, high-pitched giggle. "Oh, really, dude? You didn't notice that you completely froze up and started _blushing_ when Frank started talking about the plan? Or that you agreed almost immediately? _Or_ that we were just _holding hands_?" Mac quirks his eyebrows, amused.

Dennis could stare at Mac's little micro-expressions for the rest of the day, plan be damned. Instead, he clenches his hands into fists, feeling his nails bite into his palms. He opens his mouth to talk, but only a few vague noises come out. Mac is nothing but patient with him, however, and waits for Dennis to find his voice. He blows out a whoosh of air before finally finding something, _anything_ to say.

"Ah- _kschh_ \- I- I was just thinking, that Frank said the prize is $75,000, and I could probably use that to finally move out of our dumbass apartment and into my own, you know?" Dennis barely manages to squeak it out, but there it is, hovering between the two of them.

\---

You know what? Mac's gonna do it. He doesn't like to, of course, but that doesn't mean he's not good at it. Once in a blue moon, when Den is acting extra shitty, Mac will channel all of his hurt into the most mournful, pleading expression that he can. This moving-out threat doesn't sting, since he knows that Dennis is just deflecting and would never move away, especially not after he tried with Mandy. It's not hard to draw on past jabs to arrange his face into the appropriate image of hurt, though. This is just the quickest way to get Den to confront his feelings, and it's the easiest thing in the world to crank up the puppy-dog eyes and pull the truth out of him.

Oh, no... scratch that... it's fucking _hard_.

Mac suddenly knows what it's like to be on the other end of that expression, and he wants nothing more than to leap across the counter and wrap Dennis in the tightest hug he can muster. Mac can't recall the last time that he'd seen so much anguish in Dennis's expression; it looks like his heart broke and is melting broken-heart-juice out of his face. _He's doing a pretty shitty job of hiding his emotions today, huh?_ Mac silences his thoughts and holds strong, but he makes a silent promise that as soon as Den backtracks (and he knows he will), he'll drop the wounded visage. He doesn't want to hurt Den, after all. So, Mac waits.

\---

_WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?_ Dennis's inner voice is so grating that he's surprised that his ears aren't bleeding. _WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING SAY THAT?! LOOK AT HIM!_ He looks at the sorrow dripping off of Mac, and feels his heart stop beating. He doesn't think that's an analogy, either. Dennis is in such sudden, emotional agony, that he feels a physical pain in his chest. That, combined with the confusing cocktail of feelings that holding hands had brewed, pushes him over the edge. Years of refusal to acknowledge the hold Mac has over him all come rushing to the surface, spilling forth in what Dennis is sure is the picture you get when you Google "heartbreak". _Yeah, you FUCK! This is what Mac probably feels like all the time! Are you happy? Are you glad to know that this is what you consistently do to your best friend?_ The thought nearly makes Dennis burst into tears. His throat bobs up and down in a weak effort to keep his cool. After less than a second of entertaining that thought, he shuts it down. It's too painful to think about now, in the bar. He can cry later, at home, the home that he would never again leave, no matter what he says otherwise. A choked cry tries to escape his mouth, but he manages to silence it. He's gotta say something, or he's going to fully lose it, right here and now.

"I-" Dennis sounds like he hasn't spoken in years, voice hoarse and trembling. "I, uhm... I actually- was thinking instead... that it would just... be nice- to, you know," he takes a shaky breath, "reconnect, or something..." Watching Mac's expression soften honestly feels better than getting high. Dennis feels the relief crash over him so strongly that his legs almost give out from under him. They float small smiles at each other, but before they get a chance to talk further, the office door crashes open, and Dee, Frank, and Charlie tumble out of it and back towards them.

"Alright, dickweeds, I hope you're ready to rock, because the first meeting is tomorrow, and so we gotta start etiquette training, stat!"

***

"Christ, are we getting old?" Mac pouts as he holds the door to the apartment open for Dennis. They just spent the past six hours doing nothing but behavior training for the yacht contest meet-and-greet tomorrow. Usually, being out until eleven, twelve, even one in the morning was no biggie for the two, but right now, they're dead on their feet. 

"Nah," Dennis croaks, eyes drooping as he hangs the keys on the hook and kicks off his shoes. "We just spent too long practicing for tomorrow. It's like-" he draws a deep breath in an effort to clear his mind of the fog of fatigue. "It's like they have no faith in us, right, man?"

"Exactly! No faith, that's _exactly_ what I was thinking, Den," Mac says, already busy in the kitchen. "It's not like we haven't done this before!"

"Right! We- we're experienced," Dennis says indignantly. He keeps his eyes on Mac as he waves his hands and continues to complain, sitting at the table as Mac busies himself getting water and rattling around in the cabinets. "We can do... things! It's- I mean, sure, this might be a _little_ fancier than what we're used to, but we're smart!" He's getting a little agitated, widening his eyes and leaning forward to emphasize his point. As Mac sets two glasses of water on the table, Dennis lightly smacks his hand against Mac's forearm. Mac returns to the kitchen, continuing to listen. "I mean, I know I'm smart! You're smart! We can, like, wing it, or improvise, or whatever. We can figure it out, we don't need them telling us what to do!" 

Mac returns a handful of small bottles back to the cabinet. "Absolu..." He yawns widely, triggering Dennis to do the same. "Mmm. Absolutely, bro. I'm not gonna lie, though, all that shit at the bar really took it outta me," he says as he sits next to Dennis, placing what's in his hands on the table. "I am _wiped_."

Mac picks up a pill from the little pile he placed in front of himself and knocks it back with a small drink of water. He swallows two more before he notices Dennis staring at his own supplements. He finishes swallowing the fourth and looks at Dennis in concern.

"What's wrong, dude?"

Dennis doesn't reply, eyes still locked on the medicine with an indiscernible expression.

"...it's just our normal nighttime vitamins, Den. Oh-" Mac pulls an _oh, obviously_ expression at himself. "Yeah, that little white tab right there is just a melatonin, I grabbed it for you since you were tired, and I don't want you to be worn out for tomorrow." He swallows his last pill, keeping his eyes on Dennis.

Dennis takes a moment before reacting. He looks at Mac under his eyelashes, eyes soft and lips slightly parted. "Yeah, okay." He pinches his lips together and nods as he reaches for his pile. "Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem, buddy." The corner of Mac's mouth twists into a gentle half-smile. 

Dennis pops all the supplements into his mouth and swallows them dry. Tries to, anyway. He's so flustered by the barrage of emotions he feels at one stupid little white tab and one silly little smile that he tries to... he doesn't know what. Look cool? Get out of there as quickly as possible? Whatever the case, he's now choking at the pills sticking to the inside of his throat, Mac kneeling next to him and holding the water in front of his face. _Aren't you supposed to be the suave one?_ The second he gets a breath, Dennis snatches the glass and pounds it, feeling relieved as the stuck vitamins find their way into his stomach. He leans forward, eyes watering, to catch his breath, and notices that Mac has one hand on his knee and the other on his back. Another round of coughing drives this from his mind. Mac jumps up to refill his glass, and Dennis straightens his spine to help his lungs get more air. He stretches a hand out to grab the full glass, barely croaking out a "thank you" before slamming it back. 

"You better now, Den?" Mac is painted with concern. Dennis nods as he drains the last of his cup.

"Yeah," Dennis whispers deeply. "Yeah, thanks." He can only maintain eye contact for a split-second at a time. He lets out a fake hack to lighten the mood, and feels the corners of his eyes crinkle in response to Mac's relief that he's feeling better. He draws a deep breath and blows out forcefully.

"Alright Mac, I think it's time to hit the hay. Big day tomorrow," Dennis explains as he stands.

"Say no more, Den, I am ready for sleep." Mac grins tiredly at his roommate as they twist around the table to go to their respective rooms.

"See ya in the morning." It's Dennis's turn to yawn, setting off an identical response in Mac. He's halfway across the living room when Mac's yawn finally ends and he bids Dennis goodnight.

"See you in the morning. Goodnight, babe."

Dennis freezes.

In the minuscule moment before he turns around, he allows himself to revel in it. _Soon, he can call you that as much as he wants_. He wishes he didn't have to wait until _soon_. He wishes he could respond with a caress of Mac's cheek, a _honey_ of his own, a tight hug, _anything_. _But not yet. You gotta do the scheme first, you can't risk putting it all out in the open yet. You don't wanna lose him, remember?_ He blinks. _Alright, then. Keep it together this time, moron._

Dennis turns his body before he turns his head, trying to be as dramatic as possible. He raises his eyebrows and wags his head ever so slightly, the picture of repressed amusement. Mac is as flushed as he was earlier in the day, mouth open but with no sound coming out.

Dennis _tsks_ once. "Hmm?"

"Oh, o- wh- whe- mm- I meant, I meant... you know," Mac notices Dennis's expression of intrigue. "Ah- I- was getting into character! I was just thinking about us- not _us_ , but like, I mean, yeah, kind of us, but-"

"Okay."

"Huh?" Mac turns the desperate puppy eyes on to full blast.

"Okay," Dennis says softly, conveying the need for no further explanation. He doesn't like seeing Mac squirm, not anymore. He is tired of deluding himself into thinking that any emotion he could elicit from Mac was a good sign. He knows now how much he just wants Mac to be happy, and more than anything he wants to be the cause.

"Okay?" Mac's voice is tiny.

"Okay."

Mac tries to hide the intensity of his reassurance, to no avail. After a few seconds of drinking in each other's undivided attention, Dennis's cheek twitches.

"Goodnight." He turns on his heel and goes to his room. 

***

As soon as his door clicks behind him, Dennis slumps. He is just able to sit on the edge of his bed when his face twists in an odd grimace and his breath quickens. The events of the day clatter in his mind like tupperware falling inside of a cabinet. 

_Goodnight, babe. **Or that we were _holding hands?_** Goodnight, babe. **I don't want you to be worn out for tomorrow.** Goodnight, babe. **You want us to sell it, don't you?** Goodnight, babe._

Dennis struggles to maintain control of his breathing; he doesn't want to start hyperventilating and give himself an anxiety attack, but the feelings ripping their way out of him have to have somewhere to go. He feels his lips start trembling, his brow wrinkle, his jaw clench, and he barely has time to draw in a breath before the sobs hit him. The tears flow fast and hard, and Dennis claps a hand to his mouth to keep from crying aloud. _I must be more tired than I thought,_ he thinks to himself, but his inner voice is quick to negate him. _Uh, no you're not. Were you exhausted at, like, four today, when you ripped Mac's heart out, _again?__ This does nothing but increase the intensity of Dennis's crying. 

"Oh my god," he whispers. The memory of hurting Mac is just too much. He releases a small whine into a pillow he had grabbed at some point, and bursts into a fresh wave of tears. How often did he hurt Mac like that? How often did Mac not show it like he had today, and cried about it later in his room like Dennis is doing now? How often did he turn away Mac's attempts to genuinely connect with him with a harsh remark? Dennis curls into the pillow tighter, his stomach clenched so tightly he feels as if his ribs will crack. He rolls back and lies like that for a while, painful, quiet sobs racking his thin frame. 

As he lies there, silently whimpering, he allows himself to reflect on everything that happened at the bar today. In the dark of his room, by himself, he can show whatever emotions he wants, and no one is around to see it. To see him hurting, to comfort him. 

It's lonely.

He's been afraid to admit that to himself for a long time, but something about this breakdown makes him finally acknowledge it. He is so terribly, horribly, heart-wrenchingly lonely. Sure, he's got the gang, and they're great, but the last time he was emotionally vulnerable in front of them was that one glorious Valentine's Day. So, what, four years ago? Five? He wonders why he refuses to be vulnerable with them. No one had really made fun of his feelings in a long time, so he knew he didn't have to worry about anything there. They might not know how to react, but that's fine, because Dennis himself didn't really know how to react when someone was genuinely emotional with him. A sharp cough yanks out of his mouth, pulling him out of his own head enough to realize the answer. Here he is, having a full-on crisis. Tears coating his face, snot trying to escape out of his nose, trembling with physical and emotional exhaustion, but he's still not worn out yet. He doesn't even feel _close_ to being done. _What if it's always like this? What if every time you hurt Mac or something else happens, this is how you react?_ It's not like he'd had a lot of experience with his big feelings; he'd only really been working on emotional stability for the past six or so years. He's made some progress, namely that he's actually experiencing emotion, but it's still tough in that he doesn't know why his reactions are so intense. _Probably making up for all the time you spent repressing them._ Yeah, probably. He guesses that it makes sense, then. If he were to be genuine with the gang, he wouldn't share something small. He's afraid that it would all come pouring out of him every time he wanted to express himself. 

He heaves a shaky sigh. _Who _gives_ a fuck, honestly? Is this _really_ a better solution? To just full-on lose it once a week or so, and never tell anyone? That's fulfilling to you?_ Of course it isn't. He just wants to be loved. That's all it is, really. He's just so _tired_ of keeping everything a secret, of maintaining that cold, hard shell. _Well, everyone says the best way to get love is to give it first, right? Start there._ He needs to be more gentle... he grits his teeth. Much too scary to think about starting to be soft with Charlie, Frank, and Dee. _Soft_. He remembers earlier that he told Frank that he was going to be soft with Mac. Terrifying... but the concept isn't as bad as with the others. Despite all the shit he'd put Mac through, he's still the person who knows him best. It's a good place to start. At least, that's what he tells himself. _Ha. We both know that you're just using this as a reason to get closer to him. How about you quit being selfish, thinking about the way that treating him nice will affect _you_ , and start just telling him what you feel?_ How does he feel? He's been dancing around it, repressing it, covering it up for so long, that facing it head-on seems an almost impossible task. To counter the enormity of the task, he tries to start small, and lets his thoughts drift to a detail so tiny, he's not even sure what it is at first.

It's something familiar about the position he's in. He vaguely remembers Frank, years ago, lying on Charlie's lap, crying about something, probably something stupid. He doesn't even remember the context of why Frank was crying. Somehow, one phrase manages to slip into the forefront his mind: _"You unzipped me!"_ Dennis shoots back up into a sitting position, a halting gasp tearing out of his throat. He stares blankly at his wall, eyes dumping a renewed waterfall of tears, as he realizes that's what this is. The hole, the giant, gaping, bottomless hole inside him, had been stuffed to the brink with useless shit. Banging women, vanity, greed and cruelty. Basically everything he did was to try to fill that miserable abyss inside his chest. He thinks he had realized, once he moved back from North Dakota, that Mac was really the only one that could ever fill that hole. But, with that gap full of rotten trash, there wasn't any room for Mac to even fit in. He was just too afraid to sift through all the shit inside of him to find a space for Mac. That stupid emptiness inside of him that had tortured him for so long... he had known for a long time what belonged in there. _It's love. That's where someone you love goes. Frankly, I'm kind of tired of dancing around every revelation you have for thirty minutes._ Dennis grasps that he's been _finally_ been unzipped. All that garbage is out of him, and now he can _finally_ give Mac the love he deserves.

A choked groan wrenches itself from deep in his heart, and he realizes that he won't be able to complete his catharsis in silence. He jumps up a little too quickly and trips his way to the bathroom, where he throws the shower on and narrowly avoids concussing himself as he collapses on the floor of the tub. Finally free to cry aloud, Dennis hugs his knees and weeps. He sits, fully clothed, under the lukewarm water, and lets himself feel the strongest emotions he's felt in a long time. He doesn't try to hold back, allowing himself to experience them and then letting them go. He wants to cement in his mind what it feels like to keep ignoring his feelings, in hopes that he won't ever want to do so again. He loses track of how long he sits in the bottom of the shower. The water starts to grow cold, and Dennis's shivering slowly but surely brings him back to reality. His breathing slowed, his emotions experienced, and his energy completely sapped, he turns the water off and peels his soaking wet clothes off. He leaves them in the tub, not bothering to hang them up. He snatches a towel from the hook on the wall, quickly dries himself off. Once he's dry, he buries his face in the cloth to breathe in the scent. The towel smells like Mac. Of course it does, since he's the one who does all the laundry. That means that everything gets tossed together, a fact that irritates Dennis every second of his life except for right now. He breathes the fragrance of Mac's soap, willing himself to keep it together. The tears have slowed and the painful crying has stopped. He lifts his face and sees his mascara smeared on the fabric, and he's sure his face doesn't look much better. Sure enough, one swipe at the water dripping from his eyes leaves his hand swirled with charcoal gray. He can't find it in himself to be bothered, though. Now that the crying has toned down, Dennis can barely keep his eyes open long enough to pull a pair of pajama pants on and climb in bed. He doesn't let go of the towel for one second. He falls asleep cradling it, the fabric around his cheek damp from the tears that leak out of his eyes long after they close.

***  


"Hey, Dennis?" Mac shouts from across the apartment.

It's getting close to time to leave, and Mac _still_ isn't ready. He's only got his plain black tie or his striped one from the Honey and Vinegar days to choose between, and he doesn't think either will cut it. He's decided that he's just gonna see if Dennis has one that he can borrow for tonight, and then they can go shopping for some nicer clothes together later.

"Dennis?" Mac calls again, walking to the bathroom where he heard Dennis rustling around earlier. A clatter tells him that Dennis is still getting ready in there.

"Hey, D-" Mac freezes, hand hovering over the doorknob. He leans closer to the seam of the door, straining his ears to listen to Dennis humming.

The only times that Mac ever hears Dennis sing is when they're in the car together, and Dennis chooses Rick Astley or Steve Winwood or some other eighties singer for the drive. While Mac loves listening to Dennis sing, it can get a little tiring having to listen to the same albums every few days for twenty years. It's a pleasant surprise, then, when Mac hears that Den isn't humming a song that he recognizes. It's a light, slow melody, nice and calm. Mac smiles to himself as he stands and listens to his roommate murmur indecipherable lyrics and mimic the instrumentals. Dennis was pretty quiet today, Mac assumed in anticipation of the party tonight, and so he takes the opportunity to enjoy the small moment of peace in the hassle of the scheme. He makes an effort to commit what parts of the tune he can hear clearly to memory, hoping to ask Dee or Charlie later if they recognize. As Mac hears Dennis's voice trail off and pause, he can only assume the song is finished, and he decides that now is the best time to talk. He opens the door, trying to rattle the doorknob as much as he can to warn Dennis that he's coming in.

"Hey, Dennis, can you help me with my tie?"

Apparently, jiggling the doorknob didn't work. Dennis startles, knocking over a tube of primer as he scrambles to yank his earbuds out and pause his music. 

"Jesus, dude!" Dennis stares at Mac in the mirror, eyes wide. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"i'm sorry, man, I didn't realize you'd had music in," Mac lies, covertly reassuring Dennis that he didn't hear his singing.

Dennis huffs a tiny breath and waves his hand. "Yeah, it's alright, it was kind of loud anyways. Uh, what did you ask me?" He turns to look at Mac in-person instead of in the mirror.

"I was wondering if I could borrow one of your ties? I've only got the two, and I don't think that either of them would be good for the fanciness level of this party."

Dennis squints at the fabric in Mac's hands. "Yeah, I gotta agree with you there, buddy. This is high-class, we're gonna wanna go with something calm, but not basic. I- hmm," Dennis taps his lips with his finger. "You're wearing this shirt?" 

"Yeah, this is the one I wore to the reunion," Mac supplies. "I did pop a button on it, and I had Charlie fix it, but the thread is a little darker than the rest."

"That's fine, fine." Dennis squints his eyes shut, thinking. "The tie'll cover it up, anyways. Alright, I'll be wearing dark green, so let's go check to see if I've got a green tie for you. And we can- I've got two gold cufflinks, so we can use those, too. Green, gold, and that light grey will be a good combo." Dennis chats with Mac as he heads towards his closet. "Glad you're not wearing that polo _again_ ," he tosses over his shoulder.

"Oh, well, you know, I figured if we're gonna be seeing these people a lot, I've got to start dressing more better, so they don't suspect us," Mac explains, following Dennis to his room. "Actually, before the next thing, can we go shopping and you can help me choose some nicer clothes?" 

Dennis looks up from his rack of ties. "I- yeah, sure," he offers, quietly eager. "Sounds like fun," he smiles. 

Mac grins in response and shifts his gaze to the ties in Dennis's hands. "Anything good?"

"Ye-ah... there's a couple good choices here, but I think I'm leaning towards this one with the little stitches on it? It's not too over-the-top but it adds some nice texture, what do you think?"

Mac shrugs. "I mean, whatever you say, man, you're the expert."

Dennis pushes his tongue against the inside of his lip as he considers the ties. "Ehhh... yeah. Yep! Dark green with stitches. Here you go," Dennis tosses the tie to Mac and steps out of the closet. "Here, I gotta go finish my makeup, come with me and I can see what it looks like."

The two step back into the bathroom, Dennis leaning over the counter to comb through his eyebrows as Mac wraps the fabric around his throat. Dennis tries to focus on his makeup and not on Mac's strong arms and deft fingers so close to him. Dennis finishes the mascara on one eye just as Mac finishes tying the knot. 

"Alright, done! What do you think?" Mac flashes a broad smile as he eagerly awaits Dennis's response.

Something catches in Dennis's throat, but he coughs it away and stands up. "Looks good! The lighting in here is a little weird, but I think it'll be perfect." Dennis, suddenly jittery, starts trying to rush Mac out the door. "So, we're good? I'm gonna pop my shirt on, and we can leave and just be there extra early?" He doesn't wait for an answer, swiftly starting the search for his shirt.

"Uh, I mean- uh, yeah, okay." Mac is a little taken aback at Dennis's abruptness. "Uh, well, wait, Den, I think you only did mascara on one eye."

"Oh, shit, did I?" Dennis stops quickly, hopping a bit to keep his balance as he backtracks to the bathroom. "Huh, shit, you're right." They lock eyes. "Thanks, Mac."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll go grab your shirt and you finish your mascara, and _then_ we can go." Not waiting for an answer, Mac leaves Dennis alone in the bathroom.

Dennis snatches the mascara and applies it with an expert hand, despite the buzzing in his head. _Mascara and melatonin_. Why have the tiniest things been getting to him? Is Mac just now starting to help him in these small ways? Or has Mac always looked out for Dennis, and Dennis just hasn't noticed until now? Before he can really start spiraling, Mac reappears in the doorway, holding Dennis's freshly ironed shirt delicately.

"Here you go, man," Mac says cheerfully.

"Thanks, bro." Dennis pulls the shirt on, buttoning it as fast as he can. Mac's eyes roam around the bathroom, waiting patiently for Dennis to be ready.

"Can I do your eyebrows?" Dennis blurts out. He doesn't know where it came from or why he said it, but he did. His revocation of the offer is on his lips when Mac speaks.

"Oh, for sure, dude! It's not gonna hurt, right?" Mac knocks the toilet lid down and sits, giving Dennis easy access to his face.

"I-" Dennis is a little surprised that Mac agreed so easily. He wonders if this is the first time that Mac thought about Dennis doing his makeup. "Um.. no, it won't hurt, I have a little razor we can use instead of plucking it." He stares at Mac with slight wonder.

"Okay, that's fine, just don't, like, slice my face up."

"Pssh, I'm not gonna slice your face, I've been doing this forever." Dennis rolls his eyes and starts spreading a tiny amount of shaving cream around Mac's brows.

"Alright, whatever, just be careful, I don't want-"

"I _will_ be careful!"

"I don't want sharp things near my eyeballs, I think that's a reasonable thing to be nervous about!"

"Whatever, no more talking, I can't have your face muscles wiggling around or I _will_ slice you up."

Mac dutifully shuts up, and, to his credit, doesn't flinch when Dennis brings the razor to his face. He tries not to gaze too openly at Den's concentrated face, but he can't help it. The scrunched brow, the tip of the tongue between his teeth, the squinted eyes... how could he _not_ stare? Mac internally registers how delicate Dennis is being. Well, he didn't expect Den to hurt him, but he wonders if Dennis is even getting any hair off his face with how little pressure he's applying. He doesn't know anything about eyebrow shaving, though, so he sits quietly and watches Den work. After a few minutes, Dennis leans back.

"Done, wash the shaving cream off," he orders.

Mac leans over the sink and splashes the gunk off. He dries his face and looks at himself in the mirror. " _Woah_ , nice!"

"You like it?" Dennis gnaws his lip and twists his fingers.

"Yeah, dude! They're so sharp now, they also kinda look more thicker?" He squints at his reflection.

"That's just because I got rid of all the scraggly edge hairs, so you're only seeing the main-" Dennis draws a vague symbol in the air. "-shape. Let's brush through them real quick and then we can go."

"Okay, is that this little thing?" Mac holds up a small tube.

"No- well, yeah, technically that is eyebrow stuff, but that's colored, and it wouldn't work for you. We'll do the clear gel, it's that shiny one next to your finger."

Mac picks up the vial and hands it to Den over his shoulder, taking another second to admire his eyebrows before turning back around.

"Alright, so once this dries, it'll feel weird, but you can just wiggle your face around and it'll go away." Dennis unscrews the cap of the brow gel, swiping the excess product on the rim of the bottle. He artfully combs the spoolie through the tiny hairs, trying to finish quickly so they can get going.

"Alright, done. Easy-peasy, right?" Dennis watches, amused, as Mac contorts his face to alleviate the tightness from the gel.

"Ach, you were right, it is weird!" Mac is oblivious to Dennis's mildly amused gaze. He scrunches his face a few more times until he's satisfied. "Okay, that's better. Ready to go?"

It takes Dennis a second to gather his thoughts. "Uh, y-yeah, let's hit it. You think we'll need jackets?"

Mac clicks his tongue. "I- hmm. Why don't we bring 'em just in case, and we can leave them in the car if it ends up hot?"

"Sounds good, let's grab them and go, I don't wanna be late."

Mac beams. "Sweet, I'm excited, dude!" He rushes out to grab their nicest jackets off the rack.

Dennis follows him, eyes locked on Mac's muscular build as he strides across the room. He takes his jacket from Mac's outstretched hand, trying to fight his own smile.

"Let's go, baby boy!"

\---

"Woah! Jesus Christ, will you two _chill out_?" Dee stares in disbelief. "You're gonna sweat through your shirts before you even fucking interact with anybody!"

Dee has stepped out of her car to a rather chaotic scene. Mac is bouncing on the balls of his feet while Dennis paces across the cracked sidewalk. Charlie and Frank stand a few feet away, untangling a mass of cords.

"And what the fuck are you two doing? We're not bugging the place! Jesus, am I the only one here who knows what the plan is?"

"No-" Charlie sighs. "See, Dee, this _is_ part of the plan. Frank knows all the people in there, so he can't go undercover like you and me, right? So he's gonna hide out in this old ventilation shaft and watch with this stuff he got!"

"Look, Deandra, look! It's got heat vision!" Frank holds up a pair of goggles that make him freakishly resemble an insect.

"Goddamnit, Frank, they're in a room with like a million other people! How are you supposed to identify them with _heat vision_?"

"Oh, well, uh-"

"Hmmm, yeah, that's what I thought," Dee sneers, turning on her heel to face the next problem. "And what's going on with you? Dennis," she snaps her fingers to get her brother's attention. "What's up? Why are you and Mac freaking out?"

"We're not freaking out!" Mac shouts, standing on the base of a lightpole. He jumps down and jogs to Dee and Dennis. "We're... anticipating."

"Okay, well, can you _anticipate_ a little less psychotically? You really are going to ruin your shirts." Dee looks at her brother and his partner with a mixture of concern and disgust.

Frank chimes in from his position on the curb, Charlie hooking up wires to the contraption on Frank's head. "This isn't even the real contest, you morons! This is just a mixer for the contestants to get to know each other, you know this!"

"Well, that's just dumb," Mac grumbles. "Why would we want to get to know them?"

"Yeah, why would we _want_ to make friends with the people we're about to take down?" Dennis stops his pacing. "Pretty fucking dumb that there isn't a single contest tonight."

Dee cuts them off before they can go into another tangent. "You know what? It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter, because you two are going to be _nice_ , and you are going to be _friendly_ , and you are going to be _amicable_ ," she hisses. Dee clicks her phone on to check the time. "Okay, goddamnit, we're cutting it close. Okay, Mac? Dennis? Hold hands. You're a couple. Go," she orders, gesturing at the two to get them to speed up. When they clasp their palms together, Dee nearly pops her eyes out of her skull with how hard they roll. "Fingers _interlaced_! Come on, it's like I'm teaching kindergarteners!" Once she's satisfied, she turns to Charlie and Frank. "You guys finished plugging in all that garbage?' Frank nods. "Okay, Charlie, grab our uniforms and make sure no one sees this dumbass as he climbs into a vent."

"I climb into vents all the time and nobody sees me!" Frank boasts.

"I don't fucking care, okay? Let's go, we're gonna be late," Dee aggressively waves at Frank to hurry, then spins and nudges Mac and Dennis to get them start going. "Are we ready? We ready? Yeah, let's go. Dumbasses," she huffs. "Charlie, got our uniforms?"

"Got 'em!" Charlie shouts, waving two bundles of folded clothes above his head.

"Okay, cool, toss 'em." Dee claps her hands and nabs the disguises as they fly through the air. She gives the gang a once-over before they leave; Mac and Dennis stiffly holding hands, Charlie hovering behind Frank, ready to catch him if he falls off the ladder he brought to climb onto the roof. She drags her hand down her face, willing herself to stay positive for the sake of the scheme. 

She puffs out a breath. "Okay, everyone, it's showtime!"

\---

The lights are dim, the band is loud, and Dennis is _pissed_.

They've been at the mixer for about two hours now, and he is losing his patience with the sheer amount of idiots he's been forced to interact with. Right now, he and Mac have been stuck in a twenty-minute-long conversation with this chick who's name he doesn't even remember about how someone in her family founded the yacht club. Dennis has no idea how Mac is staying patient, but Dennis isn't about to sit around and wait until Mac reaches the end of his rope.

"...it was actually a friend of my grandfather's who founded the charity branch! He noticed that my grandfather had this great opportunity to reach-"

"Yeah?!" Dennis cuts her off. He locks a wide smile in place and stares menacingly, injecting an unsettling amount of enthusiasm in his voice. Dennis leans across the cocktail table, turning his back to the girl and twisting himself as close to Mac as possible. As he does so, he widens his eyes at Mac, silently asking him to get rid of the obnoxious bitch. Mac takes the hint.

" _So_ interesting!" Mac is more subtle than Dennis, but he still radiates artificial interest. "Thank you for telling us _all_ about this place, we'll talk to you later?" The tone of his voice makes it sound like a question, but his expression clearly indicates that he wants nothing more to do with her for the rest of the night. 

The girl squints, eyes flicking between Mac and the back of Dennis' head. " _What?_ "

Dennis tilts his head up in irritation. "Goodbye, Rachel!"

Mac smiles pointedly. "Good _bye_!"

"Wh-" she stutters, annoyed. "My name is Zoe!"

"Okay!" Mac widens his eyes and his smile grows stiff. "Goodbye, Zoe! Goodbye, goodbye!"

Zoe shakes her head and marches away with a huff. As soon as she walks away, Mac lets out a breath and relaxes a bit. " _Jesus_ Christ, dude!" Mac looks down at Dennis. "What the FUCK was her deal?"

"Yeah, it took you long enough to pick up on it!" Dennis scoffs. "Pretentious bitch would _not_ shut up about this place! I have no idea how you were able to stand listening to her for that long," he says as he sips his drink.

"Oh, dude, it was painful," Mac rolls his eyes. "Thank you, for getting us out of that. I was just trying to stick it out since Frank said we had to make friends." 

"Which is stupid as shit, especially since this place is full of duds like that Rachel chick."

"Zoe, I think she said."

"Whatever." Dennis shakes his head and throws back the rest of his cocktail, still sprawled on the cocktail table. "I don't wanna talk to another goddamn stuck-up piece of shit for the rest of the night. We're so much more interesting than anyone else here, anyways!" 

"Right?" Mac gestures excitedly at Dennis' idea. "Let's just ignore everyone else for a little bit, get our energy back up for talking later," he offers.

Dennis bites his lip as he glares around the room. "Yeah, okay, let's do that. Oh hey, hey!" He snaps his fingers at a passing server. "Four shots of whiskey."

"Oh, I was actually just clocking-"

"Thank you!" Mac shouts aggressively, not even bothering to look at the server. He and Dennis lock eyes and share a look of exasperation. "This place, dude..." Mac trails off. "Whatever, actually. I don't wanna talk about it right now. Let's talk about something different."

"Like what?"

"Well.." Mac blows out a deep breath, racking his brains. "Uh, why don't you tell me about that lady's dress over there. I've seen you looking at it all night."

Dennis grins softly, eyes lighting up in a way that signals to Mac that Dennis could talk forever. 

"Oh, I was hoping to talk about it! It does not suit her at ALL. Okay, so you see the way the hemline falls? Kinda swooping..."

\---

Across the room, Dee and Charlie stand in disguise, speaking in voices only loud enough for each other to hear.

"Ugh, I hate this stupid disguise, Charlie!" 

"Oh, oh yeah? Well, suck it up, because at least you don't have to be a janitor tonight."

"Yeah, but I still have to be a waitress! I'm already a waitress normally, I don't wanna have to be one tonight!"

"Are you kidding me? Not only am I also already a janitor, I've gotta clean up puke and spilled drinks and all sorts of what-have-you! This was supposed to be fun!"

"Don't you like that sort of stuff?"

"I mean, yeah, but... oh, well, yeah, I guess."

The two are crowded into a corner near the service entrance. It's uncomfortable, but they have the best line of sight to Mac and Dennis. They're close enough that they can faintly hear their conversations, but only when the band quiets in between songs. Right now, the band just began blasting some sort of jazzy tune, covering the sounds of Mac and Dennis' discussion with a lesbian couple whose fashion choices Dee is pretty sure was Dennis' last talking point with Mac. Dennis is still leaning on the cocktail table, but he shifted his torso so he's not completely blocking out the two women. 

"Yeah, I know, Charlie, that's why I said." Dee rolls her eyes. "Alright, now what do you think they're talking about?"

The two squint at their friends from their position tucked into the corner, but all they see is each couple gesticulating animatedly at each other. 

Charlie trills his lips. "I have no clue. I literally cannot hear a single word they're saying! I wonder if Frank can hear them at all." 

"Frank? He's off playing Mission: Impossible in the vents somewhere, he's useless!"

"I _told_ you, Dee, he can't be here in disguise because all these people know him!"

"Okay, well, first of all, I doubt there's more than three people here who were even old enough to be a part of the club in '03 with Frank, so he's probably just being paranoid. Second, he could have been a _hell_ of a lot more useful-" she growls and shakes her head. "Off-topic! Just- focus on what they're saying."

"'Kay." Dee and Charlie strain their ears for a few moments before Charlie huffs and turns to Dee. "Okay, I'm not trying to distract us, but I just have to say it: _how_ is Dennis comfortable right now?!"

"Oh my god, Charlie, I wasn't going to say anything because I was trying to listen, but that's all I'm focusing on! I can't move past it!"

"Can't move past it, right? I mean," Charlie pauses, his silence a clear indicator of what he means. The two stare at Dennis, dumbfounded. He's leaning heavily across the table on his right forearm, holding a drink in his right hand with his left tucked in his back pocket. The twist of his body has the front of Dennis' hip and right thigh pressed against the side of Mac's right leg, and Dennis' left leg crosses behind him in support of the awkward-looking position. Charlie manages to tear his eyes away first.

"He looks like a fucking snake, Dee."

"Mac's standing normal, _he's_ fine!" Dee puzzles, still staring. 

"He looks like he was in a car crash!"

She finally looks at Charlie. "He can't be doing this for the scheme, right?"

"You don't think?" Charlie rubs his beard

I mean, we've seen him cut off like, three conversations at this point. I feel like if he didn't want to be standing like that, he wouldn't."

"Oh, God, that's a good point," Charlie murmurs, still stroking his beard as he studies Dennis again. "I mean, good, obviously, for our plan, but..."

"Yeah."

"I wish we could get closer."

"No, Charlie, no no no, we have to stay here! They'll see us otherwise," Dee reprimands, looking once again at the distant conversation.

"Yeah, I _know_ that, I'm just saying that I wish we could. Oh, hang on-" Charlie tilts his head and closes his eyes, listening to the music. "They're almost done. I know this song, there's only a... minute-ish left," he says, eyes still screwed shut.

"Oh, awesome, we won't have to-"

"Excuse me," a deep voice interrupts Dee. "I need to grab this gentleman, I broke a glass and I need help."

"Okay, look, pal, there's a broom by the doors to-" Charlie cuts himself off as he opens his eyes to see the voice belongs to a muscle-bound man at least eight inches taller than him. He huffs an aggravated breath. "Where'd you break it?"

The man points to an area of the party not too far from where Mac and Dennis are standing. Charlie scrunches his nose, bouncing on the balls of his feet in indecisiveness.

He groans. "Ugh fine, okay? But can you give me one second to talk to my friend here? I need to tell her some stuff? Can you do that?"

The man is slightly taken aback. "Uh, yeah, sure, I'll wait..." he trails off, gesturing to an area a few feet away.

Charlie doesn't acknowledge the man, choosing instead to talk quickly to Dee. "Alright, so since I'm gonna be close to them, I'm gonna try to see if I can hear anything. I won't let them see me," Charlie adds, stopping Dee's protests before they start. "I'm gonna be careful, but I gotta know what they fuck they're saying over there. I'll come back and report it to you, okay?" 

Dee nods in affirmation. "Okay. I'll stay right here, since the song's almost over, and I'll see what I can hear too." Charlie holds up his hand for a high-five, and Dee smacks it as hard as she can.

"Good luck," she tells him seriously, and he ducks off without another word.

She puffs her cheeks and blows out a breath. "Okay, you got this, Dee. Murder face," she tells herself, arranging her expression to scare away any potential interferers. She feels her hopes rise as the music dies down, and she manages to catch "...had my doubts, of course," from one of the lesbians before an announcer's voice blasts over the speakers.

"Hiya folks, I hope y'all had a good time tonight! I just want to remind y'all that this is our fifteen minute warning. You're welcome to help stay and clean up, but if that's not how you'd like to spend your night, please be sure to be gone in fifteen minutes." The band starts back up again for their last few songs, the break swallowed by that stupid announcer.

She can't believe her horrible luck. Seriously, the _second_ she has the time to listen, this jagweed comes and starts blabbering about nothing? Her frustration must have erased her Murder Face, since a cheery young woman apparently decided that Dee looks friendly enough to approach.

"Hi! Before you go, can my partner and I get-"

"What? What are you talking about?" Dee snaps, rubbing her eyes.

The woman frowns. "I'm _asking_ if you can get my partner and I a Moscow Mule and-"

"No! What? No, go get it yourself from the bar!" Dee barely spares the woman a glance, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Her frown deepens as she pauses to collect her response. "Okay, well you're still not off, so isn't it your job-"

" _Oh_ my God, are you still here?" Dee splays her fingers and stares the woman down with wide eyes. "Like... get out of here! Shoo!"

The woman glares at Dee before sticking her tongue out and storming away.

"Oh, wh- yeah, real mature, lady!" Dee shouts at the woman's retreating form. _It's gonna be impossible to get these two boners to do anything if people keep talking to us_ , she thinks regretfully. Her eyes follow the woman for a moment before flicking back to Mac and Dennis, ready to wallow in defeat. 

Instead, she sees something that blows anything that happened earlier that night right out of the water. 

Something that shocks her into literally dropping her jaw open and gasping. 

Something... _insane_.

Mac and Dennis are _kissing_.

Dee can feel the grin spreading across her face, but she doesn't care. _Finally, finally!_ echoes through her head. Dennis is supporting himself on the table with his right hand, which is covered with Mac's left. Mac holds Dennis around the waist, and Dennis' left hand has moved from his pocket to the back of Mac's neck. They don't move for a moment, seemingly frozen in the moment. Dee punches the air in triumph as the two stand upright to be able to kiss each other better. She laughs aloud at the uncomfortable looks on the lesbian couple's faces. _That was way easier than I thought it would be! This is gonna be a cakewalk!_ She bounces on her toes as she watches the other couple uncomfortably tell an oblivious Mac and Dennis that they're leaving. Only after the two women, along with most of the rest of the attendees, walk away do Mac and Dennis pull away from each other.

"Ooh hoo hoo, I gotta find Charlie!" she whispers to herself. A quick scan of the room reveals that Charlie's no longer inside, so she dashes out the service door to their rendezvous in hopes she'll find him there.

***

Dee trips around the corner into an alley, eyes immediately locking on Charlie helping Frank off of the roof of the building. 

"Charlie, Charlie! Did- did you see," she gasps, out of breath. 

"Oh, believe me, I saw. Wait one second and we'll get Frank down to talk together," he says, reaching up to support Frank, who's dangling off a ledge.

"But-"

"Dee, Frank first! We can't just leave him stuck up here!"

"Ugh, fine!" Dee rolls her eyes and assesses the situation. "Wh- Charlie, we don't need to help him, he's a foot off the ground!"

"What? No, he's-" Charlie lowers his arms and takes a step back. "Oh, yeah, you're right. Frank, just let go, buddy."

"No, Charlie! I'll fall and die!"

Dee scoffs. "You're not gonna die, Frank!"

"Shut up, Deandra! Charlie, help me down!"

"Frank, just let go, okay, buddy? I'm right here if you slip," Charlie reassures.

Frank groans as he prepares himself to let go of the ledge, Charlie hovering supportively behind him as Dee taps her foot and glares.

"Can we hurry this up? We've got shit to talk about!" She blurts impatiently.

"Deandra, be quiet!" Frank pants. He squints his eyes shut, bracing himself, and lets go of the ledge. Just as Dee had said, Frank drops for less than a second, barely even losing his balance as he lands.

"You good, Frank?" Charlie hovers near Frank protectively.

"Who fucking cares?" Dee shouts. "We have shit to talk about! Mac! and Dennis! _Kissed!_ "

"Oh God, okay," Charlie sighs, rubbing his beard. He puffs out a breath before continuing. "Did you hear anything they said?"

"No, I was distracted by some bitch trying to talk to me, I didn't even see what lead up to it! I just look over and _boom_ , they're sucking face!"

"And- and I was in the vents, I couldn't hear nothing! I saw it, but I could only hear the stupid air conditioning!"

Charlie doesn't say anything. He stares into the distance, seemingly unenthusiastic to recap, oblivious to Dee and Frank waiting for him to speak. A few seconds pass before Dee's impatience gets the best of her again.

"Charlie!" She snaps her fingers in his face. "Tell us what you heard!"

Dee and Frank stare at him expectantly. He focuses back in and grimaces hesitantly. "...do I have to?" 

"WHAT?"

"Charlie, what the hell are you talkin' about?"

"YES, YOU HAVE TO TELL US!"

Dee and Frank talk over each other in their frustration. 

"Alright, ALRIGHT, alright I'll tell you!" Charlie shouts, waving his arms at them to shut up. He lets out a deep sigh before continuing. "Okay, so..."

\---

"Stop pointing so much, you're gonna draw their attention!" 

"Well, I can't help it, how else can I effectively demonstrate how-"

"ShhHH! Sh! Goddamnit, they saw you! They're headed over here! We only got like three seconds to chill, man!" Mac whined. 

"Oh fuck, quick, let's try to get them out of here!" Dennis fake-laughed loudly, pretending he and Mac were deep in conversation. "Oh, that was a good one, Mac!" Dennis turned to the two women approaching them. "Can we help you?"

"We're kind of having a conversation, here," Mac chimed in.

"Oh! Well, we don't mean to interrupt!" The woman in the yellow dress that so offended Dennis gestured at herself and her partner. "We just wanted to introduce ourselves, since it looked like you were trying to get our attention?"

"I was just discussing your dress. It's a unique choice, it certainly stands out from the crowd!" 

The woman didn't seem to pick up on Dennis's bitchiness. "Oh, well, thank you! Funnily enough, I got this dress when I first met Emma here! I'm June, by the way!" She eagerly extended her hand, waiting in vain for one of the men to shake it. She cleared her throat. "Well, yeah, we both work in fashion-" Dennis snorted slightly, "-and I bought this from Emma's stall when we met at market in Dallas! This was just a couple years ago, and at the time I had my doubts, of course, about starting a relationship with someone else in the industry, but as you can see, it's gone great," June boasted, holding out her left hand to show off the simple and elegant engagement ring. She and Emma smiled at each other before kissing quickly, to the chagrin of Mac and Dennis. "Now, how did you two meet?" Emma asked cheerfully.

"Oh, well..." Dennis looked at Mac, trying to see how he wanted to play things. "It was super... romantic."

"Super romantic, yeah, way more romantic-er than meeting in _Dallas_. High school!"

"Yeah, high school sweethearts!"

"I was his drug dealer!"

"Oh, well, no," Dennis laughed nervously. "No, that's- we met through Charlie, a mutual friend."

"Yeah, because you wanted to buy my weed! Don't worry," Mac said, voice full of affection, "He's just embarrassed because he couldn't take more than one hit without getting stuck!"

"That's not... true," Dennis protested weakly.

"It is! Don't try to lie," Mac said, still smiling affectionately. "But yeah, then we started a bar together with our friends, and we've been together ever since!"

"Oh wow," June didn't seem to know what to say. "Um, that's a long time to have been together! Uh, did- was it- how long until you knew you loved each other?"

Dennis opened his mouth, trying to stutter his way around having to answer, but Mac beat him to it.

"Oh, it was love at first sight, for sure!"

Dennis's eyes widened slightly and he looked up at Mac to make sure he heard him right. Mac had answered so confidently, so quickly, that it had to have been the truth. When Mac met Dennis's gaze, Dennis's suspicions were confirmed: Mac meant it wholeheartedly. The music in the background, the bustle of the crowd, the intrusive Emma and June, everything instantly faded away- there was only Mac, who loved him, had loved him since they met in high school, who had been there for him his whole life. 

Dennis straightened his stance enough to reach Mac's face. What was he doing? It didn't matter. He didn't need to think about it, he'd been overthinking everything for far too long. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to close the last centimeter between their lips. He paused, silently pleading with Mac to close the distance. And he did.

It was a good thing that Mac had put his arm was around Dennis's waist, because Dennis nearly collapsed to the floor the moment their lips met. Their kiss was tentative and hopeful at first, but quickly became more passionate with all their years of yearning crashing down on them at once. Completely oblivious to anything other than each other, they clung together, hearts full. 

\---

Charlie pauses recounting the tale. 

"Well? Was that so bad? Honestly, Charlie, they talked about clothes and weed and then they kissed! Why the hell are you so uncomfortable?" 

"It's not that, Dee! It's- um..." 

"Charlie, don't you DARE clam up again! What is it?"

Charlie sighs deeply and glares at Dee and Frank. "I saw their boners, okay? They had boners, and I saw them because I was at dick level since I was cleaning up that glass, and it was gross, and I didn't like it!"

Frank blinks. "Well, it's not like they had their dicks swingin' around, they were in their pants!" 

"Yeah, THAT was the big reveal? They have boners for each other every day of their lives!" Dee shakes her head and giggles at Charlie's discomfort.

"Really, Charlie, it's not that bad," Frank pats Charlie reassuringly on the back. "Now, if they jizzed in their pants, that would be gross!"

Dee cackles and shivers with a cringe of disgust. "Ewwww! You know what, I'm surprised they didn't, they'd been holding back for so long!" 

Frank and Dee dissolve into laughter as Charlie fights back a gag behind them. After a couple minutes of this, Charlie gets fed up and draws their attention.

"Okay, hey? Guys? Can we focus for a minute? We hit a bump in the road that we didn't plan for? Ring any bells?"

"What- whaddya mean, Charlie?" Frank is still grinning widely as he focuses on the topic at hand.

"I _mean_ , that we didn't plan on them kissing so soon! Like, where do we go from here? This is not at all the timeline we were expecting!"

"Oh, shoot, you know what, Charlie's right, Frank!" Dee presses a knuckle to her lips as she thinks. "Is it that bad of a thing? I mean, it'll move faster than we were expecting I think, but that just means less work for us, right?"

"Well, Deandra, since things started off so fast, we have to be careful that they don't fuck up right away."

"Ah, so what you're saying is, we still have to do the same amount of work." Dee frowns as Frank nods. 

"Oh, well great, so we did TOO good of a job. Thanks a lot, Dee!" Charlie whines.

"I- what? How is this- actually, you know what? Nope, because that means I did a good job! Thanks for telling me I did a good job, Charlie!" She taunts.

"No, that's not what I meant! I take it back!"

"Too bad! No take backs! I did a good job! I did better than both of you!" 

Dee is still teasing Frank and Charlie when the service door opens behind them and Mac and Dennis exit. The three in the alley stop and stare at the couple, waiting for them to say something, but they just walk past. They aren't holding hands, only standing close to each other (as always), but there seems to be a different air about them. They're still tense, but in a different way than before. Less of a _what will we eventually do_ and more of a _what are we going to do now_ vibe. The light cast from the small security bulb on the building highlights their flushed faces and ruffled hair as they walk past, not even acknowledging the rest of the gang. Charlie, Dee, and Frank stare as Mac and Dennis quietly walk through the alley, get in the Range Rover, and drive off into the night. Frank is the first to break the silence.

"Well, what the hell was that?" 

Dee, flabbergasted, continues to stare out at the street as Charlie goes off. "Right? What the hell WAS that? That was so rude! We set up this whole thing for them, we go through all this trouble, and we are LITERALLY the only people in this alley, and they blow right by us! Who do they think they are? What, they're too important for us now that they're swapping spit? You know what Dee, take me back to the bar, I want to talk to them!" 

Dee startles out of her trance and sticks her arm out to prevent Charlie running to her car. "Oh no, no I'm not taking you there. First, we don't even know if that's where they're going, plus if they are there, do you really want to walk in on them banging on the pool table?" Charlie blanches. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay, if you guys promise not to be gross or weird, you can come back to my place and we can watch a movie. You can make yourselves Grilled Charlies if you make me a normal grilled cheese." 

"Aww, thanks Deandra! Can we play Nightcrawlers?"

"Nope, I've seen how destroyed your place gets after you play that, and I don't want my house annihilated."

"Will you PLEASE try my Grilled Charlie? I'll add extra peanut butter for you!"

"Definitely not. Now stop asking questions before I change my mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ok that was a rollercoaster (for me too, reading this back after not writing for a while was a TRIP)  
> I hope y'all are liking it, let me know what you think!


End file.
